Hasta luego, España

So it is official. It is 12:02 a.m. and I go back to the United States tomorrow. It is so surreal I cannot even believe it myself. I was talking with my dad via Skype and while he walked through the house, he carried the laptop with him, revealing the entire house crystal clear, as if I was there strolling through each room also. That is when it hit me. I will be there in less than two days. I could not be more ecstatic. And scared. And shocked. It's the most surreal and confusing mix of emotions I have experienced in my life. Last night was the first time I cried about leaving Spain. Hard. It was when I saw my old host family and Angel hugged me like I was his own daughter, which he often describes me as. I think that just made me cry harder. Today I went to their house for lunch and to say goodbye. Actually, I prefer hasta luego over adios, or "see you later" over "goodbye." I cannot stand to affirm such a finite despedido. I wonder if I ever will see them again. I fully intend on coming back here someday, but when will that day be? It is so confusing to just up and leave this place I have for so long called home, especially with the uncertainty of my someday return. Another uncertainty is how this has changed me. Will I go back to the US the same person? Will I appreciate more and walk a little slower? I guess we will find out on Tuesday. 

Walking from that bus stop in Polígono today reminded me of the first few months I spent here. It feels like yesterday when I arrived, immersed completely in a foreign culture surrounded by a language of which I only understood about every fifth word. Like one of those babies they throw into the pool hoping it will learn quickly how to swim and not drown. I have been swimming a long time now, so long I have forgotten what life outside the water is like. My home, everything I am used to. I am preparing myself mentally for the culture shock of my life, once again. 

Qué vergüenza

The other day I was walking home after class, enjoying a pleasant Toledo afternoon with the beautiful weather, when suddenly I heard English. Laugh if you want. But my ears always perk up when I hear people chattering in a language in which I do not have to think twice to understand. Sure enough a family of Americans emerged from around the corner, the father holding the conspicuous red rimmed Toledo map typical of any outsider. They encountered two Spanish teenage guys eating ice cream and just as I passed all of them, the mother said in the most obnoxious Yankee accent, "EXCUSE ME. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CONE?" but slowly, as if the speed at which she spoke might affect his ability to understand. The kid gave her a blank stare and shrugged. "THE ICE CREAM, WHERE?" The two Spanish boys just walked on. I stared blankly in amazement and embarrassment and quickly hustled by before the woman realized I was American. With instances like this, I can understand why Europeans get so fed up with us. We expect everyone to speak English. To adapt to our ways and accomodate our interests. Next time I get frustrated with Spanish people and their (somtimes) intolerance for foreigners, I will just remember scenes like this one.

It is absolutely crazy to think that in one week from today exactly, I will be on that big Iberia plane on my way to America. The plane will have just taken off. I will just be getting comfortable and preparing for a long nap, maybe putting on earphones to listen to whatever movie the crew has selected. It actually did hit me today, as I was at the Tuesday Market doing some souvenir shopping. I stood there at the bottom of the hill looking up at the city and the Puerta de Bisagra, and I realized I will be actually leaving this city of Toledo, this place I have called home for the past eight months. When will I come back? No idea. Which is another thing that scares me a little bit. Do not get me wrong, I am ready to go. I just think that maybe this transition might be a little more shocking and emotional than I had originally thought.

We decided to stay here in Toledo this weekend instead of travel to Alicante, which is on the east coast but is calling for rain. Toledo is supposed to be in the 80s and sunny. I do have lots to do, including bid my farewell to both host families, so being here one last weekend will be nice.

SB09 Part III: When in Rome

(sorry, so cliche but I'm so glad that the one time I say that it makes sense.)

Mary accompanies me to the hostel where a ton of us are staying, which turns out to be in the middle of boofoo nowhere, Rome. We then enjoy some legit Italian coffee (which is delish by the way) and walk about 23480 miles around the city (my favorite way to see things.) She shows me her beautiful apartment, their school, the Tiber, the Pantheon, St. Peter's, the Trevi Fountain and this beautiful urban area I cannot remember the name to. And she takes me to the most amazing gelato stand in Rome, Old Bridge. All I can say is that if I studied in Rome I would be an absolute horse.

Later that night my friend Ellyn comes with me back to the apartments and we meet up with our roommates and our two other friends studying in Innsbruck and Athens. We go to dinner and then this fun bar where there are literally like 70 ND kids from all over Europe, all in Rome for the weekend. So great to catch up with people I literally have not seen in like a year. I am so glad everyone found this place also. I never realized how incredibly huge Rome is.

The next day Ellyn and I meet up with the roommates again and hit the town. They show us the market where they buy everything from fresh mozzerella to fresh flowers, the Colosseum (WOW), the Forum, Hadrian's Mosoleum, Vatican again and the Piazza de Popolo. It is a perfectly beautiful day, and what's more is that Ellyn and I are totally spoiled because our roomates definitely pay attention in history class and are able to tell us about literally every monument and piazza that we encounter.

Later that night the 4 of us make a delicious Italian dinner of pesto and caprese and plenty of white wine. We hang for a while at the apartments before heading out again to meet up with the other ND friends. We go to this bar right near the Spanish steps and call it an early-ish night since everyone has to get up early. My flight in the morning is painless and uneventful, my favorite kind.

One of my favorite trips this semester. MY NEXT FLIGHT IS TO JFK. omg.

SB09 Part II: Florencia y Cinque Terre

I get to Patee and Colleen's apartment (which is adorable and I am so jealous they got to live on their own in the center of that beautiful city) and I meet one of their other roommates/friends Marielle, who goes to State with Colleen. We get to catch up, get ready and drink Italian wine from juice boxes (love it) before heading out to this bar where all the americanos hang out. My ND Toledo friends of course are there, a great coincidence. We watch the basketball national championship game (Carolina!) but Colleen and I only make it though the first quarter (if that) since it started at 3:30am anyways. We wake up the next day, say our goodbyes and I catch a train to La Spezia (I so wish I could have stayed longer.)

Normally I would be so nervous to go on a train all by myself for nearly 3 hours in a country even more foreign to me, but this time it was totally fine, even though I had to transfer in Pisa as well. I get to Cinque Terre without any minutes on my phone (oops) but by shear coincidence run into my friends at the top of the hill in Riomaggiore, where our hostel is. We enjoy a beautiful sunset and Italian dinner, which is a little tough to coordinate with 11 people. The next day we go to Monterossa, the 5th town, and lay out on the beach before doing the big hike back (which actually is a pretty good workout, even though we did not do the whole thing.) Such a beautiful and perfect day.

I got up early the next day to take the 10 o'clock train to ROME. I wish I would have pregamed that trip with a thorough viewing of Gladiator because the entire time I was thinking of Russel Crowe. I met my roommate Mary at the Termini train station. We both nearly cried it was so good to see each other. Then we hopped on the Metro and began our fabulous Roman weekend.

SB09 Part 1: un dolor en mi culo

SB09 for us studying abroad in Europe this year certainly was not your tropical beaches, fruity mixed drinks- haze of a week like it is for most college juniors. It was instead filled with train rides, spending Euros like Monopoly money, gelato, hostels and reunions. It was a fabulous break and a great way to spend my last trip here. It was so weird to be on the Madrid Metro yesterday because I knew that that was the last time I would take that hour-long ride from the airport to the bus station. Well, the last for this year at least. The next time I will be on a plane will be back to America, and I am so happy to finally say that. I officially hate flying.

After a relaxing an low-key weekend in Toledo, I get up super early Monday morning to take a bus to Madrid. There begins the first of my problemas. I learn that the flight is delayed two hours because of, yep you guessed it, the earthquake, which I later learn killed more than 250 people (had I known that when I was flying that morning I would have freeeaked.) Not a problem, I think, since I have a 2 hour and 35 minute layover in Rome. But the idiotman at the Alitalia counter in Madrid tells me I need at least 45 minutes to connect. Which I later realize is something he completely confused. Checkout closes 45 minutes prior to the flight, but I can check in to both right there at the first flight. What an idiot. So he tells me I am booked instead for a 9:30pm flight to Florence from Rome. Whatever.

I get to Rome (landed 10 min early, so obivously could have connected to my original flight) and enjoy white wine while peacefully readying my book for the several hours I had to kill (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides- definitely recommend.) I get to the gate to board only to be told (whilst everyone and their mom is screaming and cursing in Italian, Chinese and I think every other language but English or Spanish) that our plane has something wrong with it and that we might have to be transported by bus that night, which would take us to Florence at like 4am. Finally, they say the plane is OK and that we can board (after like 15 mintues?! I am nervous to say the least and sure that I will die in some kind of freak plane crash.) We board and land safely in Florence (after a day of 14 HOURS of traveling) and I share a cab with some nice American boys downtown. Finally I get to meet Colleen and Patee at their adorable apartment. It has been SO long since I've seen them!

what is this

I am going through a weird time right now. I listened to my old messages on my cell phone today and cried and cried and cried. Why? Maybe I had too much wine. Or maybe it's because I can't believe I left my whole life behind and I feel so useless most of the time here. Tonight was so much fun-- I hung out with my intercabio Laura and her friends. I have been speaking Spanish all night with these awesome locals. But it just made me realize how much I really miss my own friends from home. And it makes me feel selfish to think it's OK to spend  a whole year away. What is going on? I am home soon. 

j-j-jaded

I have held out a lot to say this. I do not think I should and I know I will immediately regret this after I hit Publish Post. But. I just need to go home. I am starting to get jaded of the spontaneity of travel life, as well as the constant worry about my bank account. I know that I am going to cry my eyes out when I leave here, but there is something pulling me back. This urgency to start my life again. This year has been incredible, quite a vacation from reality. I have learned more here than I could have ever in a classroom back at school. But it has made me realize what I have. And what I miss. I cannot live this far away from my family and friends. I feel useless when I want to help my friends and out of touch when I hear about things going on at home. I need to snap out of it, and quickly. I just need to vent for a minute. Things I miss terribly right now about the US:

NPR
Summerlake
Harris YMCA
American Coffee
French Toast (I have not even eaten it in like ten years but today it just sounded fab)
my car
TiVo
English
Warm summer nights on the deck with Nobilo
c5
Lewis Hall
Notre Dame campus
oatmeal, soy milk, edamame
free water at restaurants

OK sorry. It had to come out.