what is this

I am going through a weird time right now. I listened to my old messages on my cell phone today and cried and cried and cried. Why? Maybe I had too much wine. Or maybe it's because I can't believe I left my whole life behind and I feel so useless most of the time here. Tonight was so much fun-- I hung out with my intercabio Laura and her friends. I have been speaking Spanish all night with these awesome locals. But it just made me realize how much I really miss my own friends from home. And it makes me feel selfish to think it's OK to spend  a whole year away. What is going on? I am home soon.